Your best jokes!!!

[HeyJude]

It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki, the son of
a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's
begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or
give me Death?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his
hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." He said.

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the
people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except
from Suzuki:

"Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki,
who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Japs."

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher
glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says,
"George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,

"Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you
say anything else, I'll kill you."

Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to
Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the
floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!" and Suzuki said,

"The Taliban! 2001."

[Trii]

Originally posted by HeyJude
It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki, the son of
a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's
begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or
give me Death?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his
hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." He said.

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the
people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except
from Suzuki:

"Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki,
who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Japs."

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher
glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says,
"George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,

"Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you
say anything else, I'll kill you."

Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to
Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the
floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!" and Suzuki said,

"The Taliban! 2001."

rofl that's good

[mamma]

There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you
tell her what is wrong in a roomful of other patients. I know that most of
us have experienced this. You got to love the way this old guy handled it.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached
the desk, the receptionist said, "What are you seeing the doctor for
today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said," You shouldn't come into a
crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in
this room full of people. You should have said that something is wrong
with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the
doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in a room full of others
if the answer could embarrass you."

The man walked out and waited several minutes, then reentered.

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, now that he had taken her
advice. "and what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

"I can't piss out of it!" the man replied.

The doctor's office erupted in laughter.

[nidah]

What Do Micheal Jackson And Santa Have In Common?

They Both Like To Go Into Little Boy's Rooms And Empty Their Sack

h43r:

[AndTheHeroFails]

Originally posted by nidah
What Do Micheal Jackson And Santa Have In Common?

They Both Like To Go Into Little Boy's Rooms And Empty Their Sack

h43r:

zhuahahahahahahzhzhuahauhzhzhaahzhahahhzhzzuzuzu

[unclebubba76]

Originally posted by Goathorns
REDNECK RASCISM TIME


What does a redneck say after having sex?
Thanks mom!

What does a redneck and KFC have in common?
They both do chicken right.

Why did the redneck cross the road?
Cause he couldnt get his dick out of the chicken!

bastard i will kick your ass dont mess with texas

[Tanga-Trond]

A gang decided to rob a bank, so they broke in, but found no money, only chups of youghurt. So they eat it all.

Next day in the newspaper


Washington Post!
Headline News

Last night, the worlds biggest sperm bank, got robbed!

[ChanTicO]

Originally posted by nidah
What Do Micheal Jackson And Santa Have In Common?
They Both Like To Go Into Little Boy's Rooms And Empty Their Sack
h43r:

[Babek]

q: How do you kill 1000 flies in one hit?





a: Hit an ethiopian kid in the face with a shovel

[sMooFy]

Originally posted by Babek
q: How do you kill 1000 flies in one hit?





a: Hit an ethiopian kid in the face with a shovel

thats evil O_o

[HeyJude]

Originally posted by Babek
q: How do you kill 1000 flies in one hit?





a: Hit an ethiopian kid in the face with a shovel

omg, thats nasty.

[RunIfYouCan]

im all for chuck norris h43r:

Chuck norris doesn't believe in Germany. (you can't NOT laugh at this one its so random)

Before the boogeyman goes to sleep he checks his closet for chuck norris

[Psy]

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

[Rentzusuken]

http://rapidshare.de/files/21774297/pranko...rework.wmv.html

[ChanTicO]

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM .

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.

After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.