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CHUCK NORRIS JOKES!

This is a discussion on CHUCK NORRIS JOKES! within the Off Topic forums, part of the Entertainment category; When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. ...
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  1. 05-30-2008, 08:40 PM #1
    wendolyn1987
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    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

    Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

    Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

    Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

    Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

    Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

    Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

    Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.





    any more????
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  2. 05-30-2008, 09:23 PM #2
    TripleOG4life
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    these are older than my grandparents.
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  3. 05-30-2008, 09:32 PM #3
    Parasitic
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    You're wasting your time, I know every Chuck Norris joke known to man. I will dominate you in a competition over this.

    One of my favorites: Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicks don't kill people. The completely erase their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
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  4. 05-31-2008, 01:20 AM #4
    SexE
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    Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but the Grimreaper is too afraid to tell him.

    My personal favorite
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  5. 05-31-2008, 01:58 AM #5
    Parasitic
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    There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Kentucky.

    When Chuck Norris was seven years old, his mother told him to go dig a hole to China. Three weeks later he returned with a black belt in tae kwon do.

    Death had a Near-Chuck-Norris-Experience.

    A man once told Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks weren't the best way to kick some one. Historians have noted this as the worst mistake a human being has ever made.

    Remember the Soviet Union? They disbanded after a marathon of Delta Force aired in their country via satelite.

    After an episode of, "Walker, Texas Ranger" aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris, just to be safe.

    Every white blood cell in Chuck Norris' body has a black belt, and will kick any bacteria's ass that dares to enter Chuck Norris' body.

    Every red blood cell in Chuck Norris' body has a beard.

    While vacationing in Spain, Chuck Norris ate some bad paella, causing him to take the largest shit known to man. This shit is now known as France.

    Whenever Superman squeezes coal, he creates a diamond. Whenever Chuck Norris squeezes coal, he creates a small African child to work in his diamond mines.

    Superman owns and wears a pear of Chuck Norris Pajamas.

    When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

    Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

    In IndoChina, Chuck Norris' left testicle is worshiped as the god of love, the right is worshiped as a fire-breathing demon from Hell, and the middle is considered the creator of the Universe.

    I can go on forever
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  6. 05-31-2008, 04:21 PM #6
    evilwevel
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    I can go on forever [/b]
    please do, i love reading them :lol:
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  7. 05-31-2008, 06:51 PM #7
    MrsOwnage
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    My fave ----> One time Chuck Norris was having sex with a girl on a tractor, when he came, he missed her and his sperm went all over it. This caused the tractor to change into what we know today as Optimus Prime.

    This one too ----> Many boys pee their name in the snow, Chuck Norris pees his in the concrete.
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  8. 05-31-2008, 07:37 PM #8
    Parasitic
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    Chuck Norris was once challenged to a pissing contest outside of a bar, his opponent drowned.

    Chuck Norris went to the Lincoln Memorial, and Abe gave him a seat.

    Chuck Norris is SO smart, Steven Hawking stood up to bow to him.
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  9. 05-31-2008, 11:12 PM #9
    oldboy
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    Chuck Norris doesnt consider it sex if the woman lives
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  10. 06-01-2008, 01:54 PM #10
    SnootchieBootchie
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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdD54rG9oQA
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  11. 06-03-2008, 01:01 AM #11
    Zealous
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    Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt man
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  12. 06-07-2008, 07:22 AM #12
    Painf00l
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    Chuck norris destroyed the periodic table, because the only element he recognises is the element of surprise.
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