Your best jokes!!!

[Lev0]

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

“Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks.

“Boy,” is the man’s response.

“Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there”, says the service guy.

An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions: “Now, I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him.”

The man asks, “What do I do with the shotgun?”

The service guy replies, “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua.”


saw this on ranking rofl

and as for norris
when chuck norris is doing push ups he doesnt push himself up but he pushes the earth down

[mamma]

Originally posted by Lev0
This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

“Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks.

“Boy,” is the man’s response.

“Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there”, says the service guy.

An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions: “Now, I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him.”

The man asks, “What do I do with the shotgun?”

The service guy replies, “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua.”


saw this on ranking rofl

and as for norris
when chuck norris is doing push ups he doesnt push himself up but he pushes the earth down

LMAO nice one...i actually laughed at this one and was not grimicing, ~ :P

[ChrisOwns]

A guy goes to the doctor after having servere migraines, the doc checks him and tells him he'll call him with the news. The doc calls the guy the next day and says to come into his office. When the guy is finally in the docs office the doc says "I'm afraid I have bad news, and worse news, which do you want to hear first" the guy says well...the bad news. So the doc says "well you have 24 hours to live" Then the guy replies "well, what could be worse news than that" then the doc says "i forgot to call you last night"

[HeyJude]

A man goes to a doctor for his annual check-up. After performing some tests, the doctor comes into the examining room with a serious look on his face. The man immediately senses something is wrong.
MAN: Whats the matter, Doc?
DOCTOR: Well... I'm afraid you don't have long to live.
MAN: What? I don't have long to live?!
DOCTOR: It's true.
MAN: I don't believe this. How long do I have?
DOCTOR: Uh... 10.
MAN: Ten what? Years? Months?
DOCTOR: 9...8...

=====================================

A guy is driving down a road and sees a sign that says "Watch for Fallen Rocks." A few miles
later, he sees some rocks at the side of the road, so he stops and picks some up.
When he gets to the next town, he takes the carries the rocks into the Highway Maintenance
office. He walks up to the counter and puts the rocks on it. He looks at the guy behind the
counter and says "Here's your fallen rocks... now where's my watch?"

======================================

The psychiatrist waited until the patient became comfortable on the couch, and then said, "Why don't you start at the beginning?"
The patient said, "Okay. In the beginning I created the heavens and the earth...."

======================================

As an elderly lady was boarding the plane, she said to the flight attendant, "Do these things crash very often?"
The attendant replied, "No, just once!"

[@FT3R5H()CK]

A blonde a redhead and a brunette walk into a bar after a few drinks they had to use the bathroom so they ask the bartender "excuse me wheres the restroom" the bartender tells them around the corner to the left and then he starts telling them about this mirror that if u tell it something true it will give u something you desire but if you lie you will be sucked into the mirror never to be seen again. So the brunette goes up to the mirror and says "i think im the prettiest girl in the world" the mirror grants her a house and fortune. The redhead goes up to the mirror and says "i think im the smartest girl in the world" the mirror grants her a house and fortune. The blonde goes up to the mirror and says "i think" and the mirror sucks her in.

[UrbaN]

One day Bill Gates died, and he went to heaven

God gave him a house, car, everyday living tools in heaven...

One day bill was walking down the street and met a guy who looked really wealthy and Bill asked what he was given by god

He replied with god giving him a mantion, rolls royse, 50 new suits and gold jewlery.
he asked the man why he got all this and he replied because he was the captain of the titanic!

After Bill went to god furious asking him why this man got so much and not him, saying to him how he owned microsoft and someone who captained a ship got better things.

God then replied. Well ive use microsoft, and the titanic only crashed once.

[ChrisOwns]

Originally posted by UrbaN
One day Bill Gates died, and he went to heaven

God gave him a house, car, everyday living tools in heaven...

One day bill was walking down the street and met a guy who looked really wealthy and Bill asked what he was given by god

He replied with god giving him a mantion, rolls royse, 50 new suits and gold jewlery.
he asked the man why he got all this and he replied because he was the captain of the titanic!

After Bill went to god furious asking him why this man got so much and not him, saying to him how he owned microsoft and someone who captained a ship got better things.

God then replied. Well ive use microsoft, and the titanic only crashed once.

That wasen't even remotely funny.

[UrbaN]

i wonder if u even got it lol

[ResserGD]

Originally posted by UrbaN
One day Bill Gates died, and he went to heaven

God gave him a house, car, everyday living tools in heaven...

One day bill was walking down the street and met a guy who looked really wealthy and Bill asked what he was given by god

He replied with god giving him a mantion, rolls royse, 50 new suits and gold jewlery.
he asked the man why he got all this and he replied because he was the captain of the titanic!

After Bill went to god furious asking him why this man got so much and not him, saying to him how he owned microsoft and someone who captained a ship got better things.

God then replied. Well ive use microsoft, and the titanic only crashed once.

im sorry, but thats just pathetic :P

[UrbaN]

lol well it made me laugh cos microsoft sucks balls :P

[ResserGD]

:P

[TunaFishyMe]

What did the gingerfish say to the fisherman?













You can catch me, Im the gingerbread fish!!

[PatricioRey]

sell jokes for usd :wub:

[FlyingCat]

BTW my english is not enought Holy shit phee :blink:

[TunaFishyMe]

Heres another one Ive been working on:

Once upon a time there were 3 women. A brunette, a redhead, and a Blonde. They went into a sex store and saw this pink dildo for 1 dollar. They decided to split the price in 3 since they were all going to use it. A brunette paid 33cents, the redhead paid 33 and the blonde paid 33 cents. The store owner said, you are missing a penny. And the Blonde said, "No Im Not"